MAN

The Way's of Men:
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO
FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR
BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they
vapor lock)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS
THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A
TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face
and laughter in your heart......
Then you are just an old sour fart.

Two elderly women were in a beauty parlor getting
their hair done, when in walked a young chick with a
low-cut blouse that revealed a Beautiful rose
tattooed on one boob.
> >>> >
One woman leaned over to the other and said, "Poor
thing. She doesn't know it, but in 50 years she'll
have a long-stemmed rose In a hanging basket!"

Patience My Azz-------------We Wanna KILL Something!

Riddle Me Silly~

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.

JACK AND JILL
Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE
the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock!

There was a little girl
who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good,
she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels,
a waterfront condo, and a sports car,
should I go on......???

The other day,
I had to go to the emergency room.
Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours,
I went to the Army-Navy store,
bought some OD pants and a shirt.

I sewed on a couple of patches
'which I grabbed from the internet.'

It was amazing
how many people left
as I walked in.
I guess they suddenly decided
they weren't that sick after all.
Here is the patch ~~~

you can sew it on your clothing
if you are in need
of quicker emergency service!!!

The 70's...

Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread Mayo
on the same cutting Board with the same knife and
no bleach, but we didn't get food poisoning.
********************
My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter...
AND I used to eat a bite raw Sometimes, too.
********************
Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper,
in a brown paper bag, ... Not in icepack coolers,
but I can't remember anybody getting e-coli.
********************
Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming
in the lake, instead of a pristine pool-
No beach closures then.
********************
The term cell phone would have conjured up
a phone in a jail cell, and a pager,
was the school PA system.
********************
We all took gym, not PE... And
risked permanent injury with a pair of
high top Ked's (only worn in gym), instead of
having cross-training athletic shoes with
air cushion soles, and built-in light reflectors.
I can't recall any injuries but they
must have happened, because they tell us
how much safer we are now....
********************
Flunking gym was not an option...
Even for stupid's! I guess PE must be
much harder than gym....
********************
Speaking of school, we all said prayers
and sang the National Anthem,
and staying in detention after school...
caught all sorts of negative attention.
We must have had horribly damaged psyches.
********************
What an archaic health system we had then.
Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat
and everything, and she could even give
you an aspirin for a headache or fever!
********************
I thought that I was supposed to
accomplish something, before I was allowed
to be proud of myself.
********************
I just can't recall how bored we were
without computers, Play Station, Nintendo,
X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations!
********************
Oh yeah..and where was the Benadryl
and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting?
I could have been killed!
********************
We played 'king of the hill' on piles of
gravel left on vacant Construction sites,
and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out
the 48-cent bottle of Mercurochrome
(kids liked it better because it didn't sting
like iodine did), and then we got our
butt spanked! Now it 's a trip to the
emergency room, followed by a
10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics,
and then Mom calls the attorney to sue
the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious
pile of gravel where it was such a threat!
********************
We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either,
because if we did, we got our butt spanked there,
and then we got butt spanked again when we got home.
********************
I recall Donny Reynolds from next door
coming over and doing his tricks on the
front stoop, just before he fell off.
Little did his Mom know that she could
have owned our house. Instead,
she picked him up and swatted him for
being such a goof. It was a neighborhood run amuck.
********************
To top it off, not a single person I knew
had ever been told that They were from a
"dysfunctional family". How could we possibly
have Known that we needed to get into
group therapy and anger management classes?
********************
We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills,
that we Didn't even notice that the entire country
wasn't taking Prozac!
How did we ever survive?
LOVE TO ALL OF US WHO SHARED THIS ERA,
AND TO ALL WHO DIDN'T----
SORRY FOR WHAT YOU MISSED.
I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING!

"Today, we need a nation of Minutemen, citizens who are not only prepared to take arms, but citizens who regard the preservation of freedom as the basic purpose of their daily life". -John F. Kennedy

SAY WHAT???

Next time you think your
hotel bill is 2 high U
might want 2 consider this...

A husband and wife are traveling by car
from Key West 2 Boston.
After almost 24 hours on
the road, they're 2 tired 2 continue,
and they decide 2 stop for a rest.
They stop at a nice hotel, and take a room,
but they only plan 2 sleep for 4 hours
and then get back on the road.
When they check out 4 hours later,
the desk clerk hands them a bill
for -------->$350.
The man explodes and demands
2 know why the charge is so high.
He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel,
the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.
When the clerk tells him $350 is the
standard rate, the man insists on speaking
2 the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens 2 the man,
and then explains that the hotel has an
Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference
center that were available for the husband
and wife 2 use.
"But we didn't use them!,"
the man complains.
"Well, they are here, and you could have,"
explains the Manager. He goes on 2 explain
U could have taken in one of the shows
for which the hotel is famous. "The best
entertainers from New York, Hollywood
and Las Vegas perform here,"
the Manager says.
"But we didn't go 2 any of those shows,"
complains the man again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have,"
the Manager replies. No matter what facility
the Manager mentions, the man replies,
"But we didn't use it!"
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually
the man gives up and agrees 2 pay. He writes
a check and gives it 2 the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the
check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only
made out for $50."
"That's correct," says the man.
"I charged you $300 for
sleeping with my wife."
"BUT-I DIDN'T
SLEEP WITH U'R WIFE!"
exclaims the Manager.
"WELL 2 BAD!!!," the man replies.
"She was here
and U COULD HAVE!!!"

7:46 P.M. :

U.S. Senator Unhurt in Air Crash
The Associated Press reports that New York
Senator Hillary Clinton, narrowly escaped
injury in the aircraft that she was piloting
when she was forced to make an
emergency landing in Southern
New Jersey because of bad weather.
National Transportation Safety Board officials
have issued a preliminary determination that
pilot error contributed to the accident, and that
the senator was flying a single engine aircraft
in IFR [instrument flight rating] conditions while
only having obtained a VFR (visual flight rating).
The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to
insufficient fuel on board. No one on the ground
was injured. Photograph below taken at the scene
shows the extent of damage to
Senator Clinton's aircraft.
She was very lucky.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

The Polite Way 2 Excuse U'rself-

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Peter, how would you say it?" Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."The teacher fainted.

ROCK of AGES...

TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad,
........don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. T
........hey always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just
.......yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber,
.........not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:
1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.
2) Forget the health food.
......... I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder
.........what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation
........from a rocking chair
............that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers,
.......but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age,
.......but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is ...not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is... having friends.
At age 16 success is ... having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is ... having money.
At age 50 success is ... having money.
At age 70 success is ... having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is ... having friends.
At age 80 success is ... not peeing in your pants.

The Very 1st. EVER-->Blonde GUY Joke

A REDHEAD, a BRUNETTE and a
BLONDE Guy were doing construction
work on scaffolding on the 20th floor
of a building. They were eating lunch and
the REDHEAD said, "Corned beef and cabbage,
If I get corned beef and cabbage
one more time for lunch,
I'm going to jump off this building."
The BRUNETTE opened his lunch box
and exclaimed, "Burritos again!
If I get burritos one more time
I'm going to jump off, too."
The BLONDE opened his lunch and said,
" Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich
one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day, the REDHEAD opened
his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage,
and jumped to his death!
The BRUNETTE opened his lunch,
saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The BLONDE guy opened his lunch,
saw the bologna and
jumped to his death as well!!!
At the funeral, the REDHEAD's wife
was weeping. She said, "If I'd known
how really tired he was of
corned beef and cabbage,
I never would have given it to him again!"
The BRUNETTE's wife also wept and said,
"I could have given him tacos or enchiladas!
I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the BLONDE's wife.
The BLONDE's wife said,
"Don't look at me,
HE MAKES HIS OWN LUNCH!!!

TEXAS DRINKING RULE~~~

A Mexican drinks his beer

and suddenly

throws his glass in the air,

pulls out his pistol and

shoots the glass to pieces.

He says, "In Mexico our glasses

are so cheap we don't need to

drink from the same glass twice."

An Arab, obviously impressed by this,

drinks his beer,

throws his glass into the air,

pulls out his AK-47 and

shoots the glass to pieces.

He says, "In Iraq we have so much

sand to make glasses that we don't

need to drink out of

the same glass twice either."

The Texas cowboy,

cool as a cucumber,

picks up his beer and drinks it,

throws his glass into the air,

pulls out his pistol and shoots

the Mexican and the Iraqi,

and catches his glass.

He says,

"In America we have so many

illegal Mexicans and Arabs

that we don't have to drink

with the same ones twice!"

God Bless America

HOW 2 GET $50~~FREE ! ! !

Hi there,
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As you may / may not know, I paid
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too and it is my biggest seller,
but sometimes I also like to
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( and besides I wanted a convenient
place to store the info.)
Lots of luck and best wishes,
FREE $50!
Hi There,"Thank you for answering my ad
and thank you once more for your payment!"
I'm glad you are committed to making a go
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I know that success isn't for everyone and
you would not believe how many people don't
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OK, time for a very quick lesson in
achieving succes!!!
Here's what it takes:
1. Know what you want
2. Believe that you can achieve it
3. Believe that you are worth it
4. Go out and get it.
1 & 3 are for you to work on, but I can certainly
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Dirty 'Ol Man

A male patient is lying
in bed in the hospital,
wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth
and nose, still
heavily sedated
from a difficult
four hour, surgical
procedure. A young
student nurse appears
to give him a
partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles,
from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies,
"I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash
your upper body and feet." He struggles
to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals
from worry about his testicles, she overcomes
her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls
back the covers. She raises his gown,
holds his penis in one hand and his
testicles in the other, lifting and moving
them around. Then, she takes a close look
and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her
and says very slowly, "Thank you very much.
That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely....
R - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?

HEALTH QUESTION

&

ANSWER SESSION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise
.......can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats,
....and that's it... don't waste them on exercise.
....Everything wears out eventually.
...Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer;
...that's like saying you can extend the life of your car
...by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits
......and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies.
....What does a cow eat? Hay and corn.
....And what are these? Vegetables.
....So a steak is nothing more than
.....an efficient mechanism
....of delivering vegetables to your system.
....Need grain? Eat chicken.
.....Beef is also a good source
...of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
...And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
...recommended daily allowance
....of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit.
...Brandy is distilled wine, that means
...they take the water out of the fruity bit
..so you get even more of the goodness that way.
...Beer is also made out of grain.~ Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat,
...your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies,
....your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages
...of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry.
.....My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!...
...Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
...In fact, they're permeated in it.
..How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from
.....getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle,
...it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups
.....if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans!
..Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure,
..... explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
...Well, I hope this has cleared up
... any misconceptions you may have had
...about food and diets. And remember:
.."Life should NOT be a journey to the grave
..with the intention of arriving safely
.. in an attractive and well preserved body,
...but rather to skid in sideways -
..Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other
... body thoroughly used up,
... totally worn out and screaming
~~Whoo what a ride"!

How 2 Recalibrate U'r Mouse

+

--->> (This actually works pretty well) <<---

To recalibrate your mouse, click and hold on the S.

Then drag the S toward the e.

If it doesn't work,

you might want to clean your mouse.

Stop farting around and

go do something constructivE

2 FUNNY

A man escapes from prison

where he has been for 15 years.

He breaks into a house

to look for money and guns,

and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed

and ties him to a chair.

While tying the girl to the bed

he gets on top of her,

kisses her neck,

then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there,

the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict,

look at his clothes! He probably spent

lots of time in prison and hasn't

seen a woman in years.

I saw how he kissed your neck.

"If he wants sex,

don't resist,

don't complain,

do whatever he tells you!

Satisfy him no matter

how much he nauseates you.

This guy is probably very dangerous.

If he gets angry, he'll kill us.

Be strong, honey.

I love you!"

To which the wife responds:

"He wasn't kissing my neck.

He was whispering in my ear.

He told me he's gay,

he thinks you're cute,

and asked if we had any Vaseline?

I told him it was in the bathroom!"

"Be strong honey.

I love you 2 !!!"

Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago.
Her daughter was constantly calling her
and urging her to get back into the world.
Finally, Anna said she'd go out,
but didn't know anyone.
Her daughter immediately replied,
"Mom! I have someone for you to meet.
"Well, it was an immediate hit.
They took to one another and after dating
for six weeks, he asked her to join him for
a weekend in Vermont.
Their first night there, she undressed as he did.
There she stood nude,
except for a pair of black lacy panties;
he was in his birthday suit.
Looking her over, he asked,
"Why the black panties?"
She replied: "My breasts you can fondle,
my body is yours to explore,
but down there I am still in mourning.
"He knew he was not getting lucky that night.
The following night was the same--
she stood there wearing the black panties,
and he was in his birthday suit--
but now he was wearing a black condom.
She looked at him and asked:
"What's with the black condom?"
He replied,
"I want to offer my

deepest condolences!”

Choosing a Wife

A man wanted to get married.
He was having trouble choosing among
three likely candidates.
He gives each woman a present of $5,000
and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make over.
She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets
her hair done, new make up and buys several
new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man.
She tells him that she has done this to be more
attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.
She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new
gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.
As she presents these gifts, she tells him that
she has spent all the money on him because
she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market.
She earns several times the $5,000.
She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests
the remainder in a joint account. She tells him
that she wants to save for their future because
she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about
what each woman had done with the
money he'd given her.
Then, he married the one with the

biggest boobs!
Men are like that, you know.

There is more money being spent
on breast implants and Viagra today
than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2040,
there should be a large elderly population
with perky boobs and huge erections
and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them!

The Next Survivor Series

Six married men will be dropped on an island

with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take

music or dance classes. There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids;

keep his assigned house clean,

correct all homework, complete science projects,

cook, do laundry, and pay a list of "pretend"

bills with not enough money. In addition,

each man will have to budget in money for

groceries--> each week. Each man must

remember the birthdays of all their friends and

relatives, and send cards out on time.

Each man must also take each child to a

doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment

and a haircut appointment. He must make one

unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child

to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening,

on a holiday or right when they're about to leave

for vacation). He must also make cookies or

cupcakes for a social function. Each man will be

responsible for decorating his own assigned house,

planting flowers outside and keeping it

presentable at all times.The men will only have

access to television when the kids are asleep

and all chores are done. There is only one TV

between them, and a remote with dead batteries.

Each father will be required to know all of the

words to every stupid song that comes on TV and

the name of each and every character on cartoons.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily,

which they will apply to themselves either while

driving or making three lunches. Each man will

have to make an Indian hut model with six

toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a

4 year old to eat a serving of peas. Each man must

adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet

stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and

eyebrows groomed. The men must try to get

through each day without snot, spit-up or

barf on their clothing. During one of the six weeks,

the men will have to endure severe abdominal

cramps, back aches, and have extreme

unexplained mood swings, but never once

complain or slow down from other duties.

They must try to explain what a tampon is for

when the 6-yr old boy finds it in the purse.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church,

and find time at least once to spend the afternoon

at the park or a similar setting. He will need to

read a book and then pray with the children each

night without falling asleep, and then feed them,

dress them, brush their teeth and comb

their hair each morning by 7:00.

They must leave the home with no food

on their face or clothes. A test will be given

at the end of the six weeks, and each father

will be required to know all of the following

information: each child'sbirthday, height,

weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name.

Also the child's weight at birth, length,

time of birth, and length of labor, each child's

favorite color, middle name, favorite snack,

favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy,

biggest fear and what they want to be when

they grow up. They must clean up after their

sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend the

remainder of the day tending to that child

and waiting on them- hand and foot- until

they are better. They must have a loving,

age appropriate reply to, "You're not the

boss of me". The kids vote them off the island

based on performance. The last man wins

only if...he still has enough energy to be

intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game

over and over and over again for the next

18-25 years...eventually earning the right

to be called Mother!

Little Tony:

LITTLE TONY ON MATH:
Little TONY returns from school and says
he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father?
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'" I said "6",
replies TONY. "But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2?"
"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"

LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH:
Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says,
"Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words,
class. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable word?" TONY says "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY,
that's a mouthful." Little TONY says,
"No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR:
Little TONY was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom.
He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"
The teacher replied, 'Now, TONY, that is NOT
the proper word to use in this situation.
The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly,
and I will allow you to go." Little TONY thinks for
a bit and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had
bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"

LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR:
One day, during lessons on proper grammar,
the teacher asked for a show of hands from those
who could use the word "beautiful" in the same
sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie,
who responded with, "My father bought my mother
a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called
on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful
banquet and it turned out beautifully." She said,
"Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
called on little TONY. "Last night at the dinner table,
my sister told my father that she was pregnant,
and he said 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"

LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER:
Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching
on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a
man on the bench across from him said,
"Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you.
It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived
to be 107 years old." The man asked, "Did your
grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little TONY answered, "No, he
minded his own fucking business!!!

You know the world is going crazy
when the best rapper is a white guy,
the best golfer is a black guy,
the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese,
the Swiss hold the America's Cup,
France is accusing the U.S. of
arrogance, Germany doesn't want
to go to war and the three most
powerful men in America are
named Bush, Dick, and Colon.
Need I say more?

Doh!

Today my baby girl's 18th birthday.
I be so glad this be my last
child support payment!
Month after month, year after year,
all those dang payments!
So I call my baby girl, LaKeesha,
to come to my house, and
when she get there, I say,
"Baby girl, I want you to take
this check over to yo momma house
and tell her this be the last check
she ever be gettin' from me,
and I want you to come back
and tell me the "spression
on yo mama's face."
So my baby girl she take the
check over to her. I be anxious to
hear what she say and
what she look like.
Baby girl walk through the door,
I say, "Now what yo momma say
'bout dat?"
She say to tell you -
"you ain't my daddy" ....
and watch the 'spression on yo face!

I thought you would want to know

about this e-mail virus. Even the

most advanced programs from

Norton or McAfee cannot take

care of this one. It appears to

affect those who were born

prior to 1965.

Symptoms:

1. Causes you to send the

same e-mail twice. done that!

2. Causes you to send a

blank e-mail! that too!

3. Causes you to send e-mail

to the wrong person. yep!

4. Causes you to send it back

to the person who sent it to

you. who, me?

5 Causes you to forget to

attach the attachment. well, darn!

6. Causes you to hit "SEND"

before you've finished. oh no-

not again!

7. Causes you to hit "DELETE"

instead of "SEND."~~

and I just hate that!

8. Causes you to hit "SEND"

when you should "DELETE."

Oh, No!

IT'S CALLED

THE "C-NILE VIRUS."