Little Tony:

LITTLE TONY ON MATH:
Little TONY returns from school and says
he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father?
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'" I said "6",
replies TONY. "But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2?"
"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"

LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH:
Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says,
"Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words,
class. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable word?" TONY says "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY,
that's a mouthful." Little TONY says,
"No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR:
Little TONY was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom.
He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"
The teacher replied, 'Now, TONY, that is NOT
the proper word to use in this situation.
The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly,
and I will allow you to go." Little TONY thinks for
a bit and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had
bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"

LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR:
One day, during lessons on proper grammar,
the teacher asked for a show of hands from those
who could use the word "beautiful" in the same
sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie,
who responded with, "My father bought my mother
a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called
on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful
banquet and it turned out beautifully." She said,
"Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
called on little TONY. "Last night at the dinner table,
my sister told my father that she was pregnant,
and he said 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"

LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER:
Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching
on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a
man on the bench across from him said,
"Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you.
It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived
to be 107 years old." The man asked, "Did your
grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little TONY answered, "No, he
minded his own fucking business!!!