Little Tony:

LITTLE TONY ON MATH:
Little TONY returns from school and says
he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father?
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'" I said "6",
replies TONY. "But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2?"
"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"

LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH:
Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says,
"Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words,
class. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable word?" TONY says "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY,
that's a mouthful." Little TONY says,
"No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR:
Little TONY was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom.
He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"
The teacher replied, 'Now, TONY, that is NOT
the proper word to use in this situation.
The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly,
and I will allow you to go." Little TONY thinks for
a bit and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had
bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"

LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR:
One day, during lessons on proper grammar,
the teacher asked for a show of hands from those
who could use the word "beautiful" in the same
sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie,
who responded with, "My father bought my mother
a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called
on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful
banquet and it turned out beautifully." She said,
"Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
called on little TONY. "Last night at the dinner table,
my sister told my father that she was pregnant,
and he said 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"

LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER:
Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching
on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a
man on the bench across from him said,
"Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you.
It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived
to be 107 years old." The man asked, "Did your
grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little TONY answered, "No, he
minded his own fucking business!!!

You know the world is going crazy
when the best rapper is a white guy,
the best golfer is a black guy,
the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese,
the Swiss hold the America's Cup,
France is accusing the U.S. of
arrogance, Germany doesn't want
to go to war and the three most
powerful men in America are
named Bush, Dick, and Colon.
Need I say more?

Doh!

Today my baby girl's 18th birthday.
I be so glad this be my last
child support payment!
Month after month, year after year,
all those dang payments!
So I call my baby girl, LaKeesha,
to come to my house, and
when she get there, I say,
"Baby girl, I want you to take
this check over to yo momma house
and tell her this be the last check
she ever be gettin' from me,
and I want you to come back
and tell me the "spression
on yo mama's face."
So my baby girl she take the
check over to her. I be anxious to
hear what she say and
what she look like.
Baby girl walk through the door,
I say, "Now what yo momma say
'bout dat?"
She say to tell you -
"you ain't my daddy" ....
and watch the 'spression on yo face!

I thought you would want to know

about this e-mail virus. Even the

most advanced programs from

Norton or McAfee cannot take

care of this one. It appears to

affect those who were born

prior to 1965.

Symptoms:

1. Causes you to send the

same e-mail twice. done that!

2. Causes you to send a

blank e-mail! that too!

3. Causes you to send e-mail

to the wrong person. yep!

4. Causes you to send it back

to the person who sent it to

you. who, me?

5 Causes you to forget to

attach the attachment. well, darn!

6. Causes you to hit "SEND"

before you've finished. oh no-

not again!

7. Causes you to hit "DELETE"

instead of "SEND."~~

and I just hate that!

8. Causes you to hit "SEND"

when you should "DELETE."

Oh, No!

IT'S CALLED

THE "C-NILE VIRUS."

Target:

Wasn't it Christmas that Target refused

to let the Salvation Army ring their bells

in front of their stores?

Dick Forrey of the Vietnam Veterans Association wrote:

"Recently we asked the local TARGET store

to be a proud sponsor of the

Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall

during our spring recognition event.
We received the following reply from

the local TARGET management:

" Veterans do not meet our area of giving.

We only donate to the arts, social action groups,

gay & lesbian causes, and education."

So I'm thinking, if the

Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall

and veterans in general,

do not meet their donation criteria,

then something is really wrong at this TARGET store.

We were not asking for thousands of dollars,

not even hundreds, just a small sponsorship

for a memorial remembrance. As a follow-up,

I e-mailed the TARGET U.S. Corporate Headquarters

and their response was the same.

That's their national policy. Then I looked

into the company further.

They will not allow the Marines to collect

for 'Toys for Tots' at any of their stores,

and during the recent Iraq deployment,

they would not allow families of employees

who were called up for active duty to

continue their insurance coverage while

they were on military service.

Then as I dig further, TARGETis a

French-owned corporation.

Now, I'm thinking again. If TARGET

cannot support American Veterans,

then why should my family and I

support their stores by spending our

hard earned American dollars!

And, have their profits sent to France.

Without the American Vets,

where would France be today?

"They, most likely would be speaking German

and trading in Deutsch Marks"

Sincerely,

Dick Forrey

Veterans Helping Veterans

Please Let TARGET know

we dont need them either !

A very sexually active woman tells her
plastic surgeon that she wants her
vaginal lips reduced in size because
they were flapping in the breeze.
Out of embarrassment she insisted
that the surgery be kept a secret and
the surgeon agreed. Awakening from
the anesthesia after the surgery she
found threeroses carefully placed beside
her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately
calls in the doctor, "I thought I asked you
not to tell anyone about my operation!"
The surgeon told her he had carried out
her wish for confidentiality and that the
first rose was from him: "I felt sad because
you went through this all by yourself."
"The second rose is from my nurse.
She assisted me in the surgery and
empathized because she had had the
same procedure done some time ago."
"And what about the third rose?" she asked.
“Oh, that rose is from a man upstairs
in the burn unit.
He wanted to thank you for his new ears!”